well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
