those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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