I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
