It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
