worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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