She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
