Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize