yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize