So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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