Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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