She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
