She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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