uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
