before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
