Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize