I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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