The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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