If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
