Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize