you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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