Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The beer is more important than you right now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
