If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
