Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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