i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
