one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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