walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
