I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
