this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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