Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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