I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was confusing and full of hummus
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
