Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
