don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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