Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
