now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
