Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Girls should come with a carfax report
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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