Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
