The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
