Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
