ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
