i permit you to call me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
