I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
