He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
