I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
