As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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