We won't sleep together?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
