I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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