I wish my penis had an off switch
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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