Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
