Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
