I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
