she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
