dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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