I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
