I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
