If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
