Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
