Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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