Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
