nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
