new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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