All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
