i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
