I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize