I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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