Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
