DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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