i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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