I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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