you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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