So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
